I actually went to bed early (about 5mins before someone got fired on The Apprentice) and ironically fell straight to sleep reading about trance states in my brand new book The Wandering Mind: Understanding Dissociation From Daydreams To Disorders. I have decided to do my written posts like this in bullet points because formulating paragraphs coherently causes my mind to block and I forget the point of what I’m writing.
So I woke up just now with anxiety from my dream where I was arguing with mum about wanting to go on a trip with the Top Gear UK lads , she was trying to claim me and dad wanted to do these other things, I think one was going to a wool factory, and I was arguing with her. I’m often hanging around with James, Jeremy and Richard in my dreamworld, they are my comfort and I’m usually trying to get on telly. I was also holding and stroking a badger and dad was concerned that I may have been hurting it but mum reassured him I was being gentle.
Anyway I woke up with the anxiety and also an urge to chat hence this blogpost. So here are my random thoughts I need to pow out of my head before they drift off.
* I find it hard to stay ‘present’ and this is blocking my words at this current moment, I tend to veer off into rambles about past telly shows.
*I have been constantly thinking in Welsh since watching the second episode of The Call Centre, I love Nev’s catchphrase, SWSWSWN. My other aunty also seems to adopt the native accent when holidaying in Wales.
*I am always talking to myself (it’s not really to myself though, it’s always projected out to an invisible person) and I sort of tic/echolalia random noises and sounds and there’s also my deliberate sound making because I enjoy the vibrations of my body. In the outside world I get a lot of selective mutism though but making YouTube videos has really helped with my talking and speaking up. So apart from the random shouts and singing I also have little conversations between two people with different accents, usually smart gentlemen. I also sing and speak nonsense words and scenarios.
*Apparently when sleeping I sound and twitch like a cat. I like this.
*My childhood imaginary friend was a woman called Colleena the Cleaner, she was a cleaner who worked for minimum wage usually in a school or canteen. At college I thought I had been around as a hippy in the 1960s, earning me the nickname Crazy. My recent person in my head is a smart gentleman who owns a Jack Russell dog and sits in a red chair next to his shelves of books. My newest person is a large built Scottish guy with a strawberry blonde beard.
*My thoughts are trying to pull away again right now so shall try to type this fast and get it posted.
*I have had suspicions for a few years of certain neighbours being aliens or spying on me. This is just mainly based on lights in windows though.
*I am currently reading the book version of Submarine which is really good.
*I adore my Kindle 😀 I tend to pick up on topics I like and want more of that type of book, I have nearly a 100 books on it since I got it for Christmas.
I think this having a chat via my blog maybe a good way to calm my anxiety and the words come out a bit more easily than I when I formally plan to write as myself rather than letting my others use the keyboard/pen. I shall try to do more ‘present’ posts.
Thank you so much for reading and enjoying my blog, I’m off now to purchase a proper keyboard for my iPad.